San Antonio, TX) – Mere hours after it was launched, the eagerly awaited MMS (multi-media messaging) feature for Apple’s hugely popular iPhone was disabled, as AT&T’s data servers proved incapable of coping with the massive influx of wiener pic traffic.
“Within the first few minutes, our network was flooded with nearly 3.4 million MMS messages and the early data shows that almost 98% of those were pictures of our male customers’ penises,” stated Ronald MacArthur, head of data traffic for the company.
In the weeks and days up until the feature was rolled out, AT&T had been working around the clock to make improvements to its network, in order to deal with the expected spike in customers using the service. Unfortunately, their efforts appear to have been woefully inadequate.
“I guess we just weren’t prepared for how many guys would want to send other people a picture of their ding dong,” lamented MacArthur.
An informal poll of passers-by on a crowded street downtown revealed that AT&T had vastly underestimated the appeal.
“Oh, hells yeah I’m gonna send out pictures of my dick! You can do that now??” remarked a well-dressed businessman.
“I have Verizon, but really the only thing that’s been preventing me from getting an iPhone is the fact that I can’t trick my buddies into seeing a picture of my wang by saying something like, ‘Oh hey, you gotta see what this chick is wearing!’ and then sending them a picture of my boner under the pretense that it’s some slut in a miniskirt or something like that. I’m definitely gonna get one now. Especially with them adding Microsoft Exchange support. Oh and the dick pictures too,” said another man in his early 30’s who declined to give us his name, lest he tip off his friends to his planned shenanigans.
“Are you kidding? I sent like twenty already!” Enthused another young man who was actually in the process of taking yet another picture of his genitals to send out from his iPhone as we interviewed him, apparently unaware that the service had been disabled.
Female iPhone users seemed less enthusiastic about the feature. IT professional, Melanie Browning, complained that she had already received several unwelcome pictures from her male friends and co-workers.
“It’s idiotic. At this point, I realize that it’s not going to be a picture of a cute puppie. I’m not that stupid. Hold on a second, my dad just sent me a picture of his new car–Oh god!” Ms. Browning then began sobbing uncontrollably.
On their website, AT&T would not provide a solid timeline for when the service would come back online, but had this to say: “AT&T regrets further delays in rolling out the MMS service to its iPhone customers. We promise that we are hard at work, shoring up our infrastructure in order to bring you the best possible experience for tricking your friends and women you are stalking into seeing your Johnson against their will.”
